My Sex Life Sucks

My Sex Life Sucks
How do you know when your sex life sucks? If at least 2 of the following conditions are TRUE for your sex life it probably sucks:

• You leave the television on while you make love.
• Your dog, cat and/or Iguana doesn’t get off the bed anymore, they just ride it out looking angry and knowing.
• The most recent spontaneous thing you did together was the laundry.
• Your last conversation about sex was in college.
• Dinner and a movie is really dinner and a movie.
• You purchased a flat screen TV in time for the Super Bowl.
• You are never in sync, when he is ready she is tired and vice versa.
• The actual act of sex is taking less and less time.
• Your last love making session didn’t make it through the entire commercial break on American Idol.
• The last massage you received was from your dryer, whirlpool, pet or those strange wooden things on the back of your car seat.
• You would rather go to the Dentist than make love with your partner (this condition counts as 2).
  
  [ Send your favorite My Sex Life Sucks Because….ideas to siiweb @ Bettersex . com and we will include them here. ]
  

My Sex Life Sucks, Now What?
Having a less than rewarding sex life is not uncommon. I loved this AARP Sexuality In Midlife study stat:

Nearly one-third of men and women with partners ranked their sex life somewhere between "yawn" and "bloody awful.

Here is how that scale would look:



If your sex life sucks, you are not alone (by a long shot). We’ve seen a disturbing trend of ever young people complaining of “boring” sex lives. We are so MTVed and over saturated by media we habituate to anything now at hyper speeds and that condition brings us to our first tip.

Better Sex Life Tip 1: Slow Down
Why do we speed up things that should be slow and slow down things that should be fast? The tide of our lives pulls us hither and yon. Speed seems to have its own self justifying course. We are important because we are so busy. We are so busy because we are important. This is circular goofy reasoning. The problem is it is VERY ADDICTIVE goofy circular reasoning.

The first “slow down” step is finding a new center. This sounds eastern and it is (to some degree). Moving your center, soul, source (whatever you name it) to the love you create means you slow down. You slow down because you are in control. You are important because of your connections and the love, generosity and spirit those connections create. Once you pierce the hot air surrounding your life’s “speed” you realize it is a self created mirage. Start your “slow down” journey by recovering your family, friends, pets and self. Cut out time, deflate the “hype” balloon and listen to every day’s unique song. Relocating your center can be hard. Here are some ideas that may help:

• Walks to break up your work day – take a walk midmorning and in the middle of the afternoon if you can. Get out of the office, away from your computer, cube and phone. Don’t “speed walk” but get your heart rate up. Try to segment your walk. During those segments, however long, think of a single thing.
• Use music to slow down – Ever notice how you match intensity of your workout to your music? The opposite is also true. Music can help you slow your process too. When I was in college a very hip musician friend played a record by Frank Sinatra and Brazilian Antonio Carolos Jobim . Seemed like a strange idea until I listened to the music. It is beautiful, soulful music guaranteed to slow you down.
• Eat Slow especially when you are starving - eating, in this example, is a proxy for making love. If you can slow eating down by 25% or 50% you use the same mental muscles you need to slow down physical hunger during sex.
• Watch a natural process every day to completion – nature has its own rhythm. 300 daily emails, 20 voicemails, crying children and impatient coworkers aren’t natural. Watch a bird landing on your feeder and grabbing a little dinner or wind winding its way through trees. Find one natural thing and watch it until completion.
• Visualize slowness – you’ve probably read how sports stars visualize their victories. You can do the same. Create a mental image of yourself doing an activity at 2x or 3x your normal pace. Slow down non-sexual activities to create “slow-down” muscles. Sex is hard to slow down, so if you practice on slowing down your reading, cooking or driving you develop muscle needed when tackling the hardest thing to slow down – sex.
• Practice being in the moment – living in the moment we are in may be the hardest thing we ever attempt. If someone calls you on the phone DON’T keep working on your computer as you talk. Be fully in that conversation. If you are listening to your partner isolate, reduce or eliminate “back talk” from the voice in your head. Be present and listen. Don’t bring the past or present into now (won’t do any good anyway). Like nature, each moment has a rhythm and a beat. When you are making love, each moment has a bridge to the next. Pay attention, provide feedback and focus you mind on what is happening NOW and you will slow down even doing the hardest thing there is to slow down – making love.

More soon.

Be sure to share your “My sex life sucks because….”

Do you have great music, helpful slowdown practices or any ideas that will help?

Send your emails to siiweb @ BetterSex . com with “my sex life sucks” in the subject line.

Link Ideas for immediate help:

Free Online Better Sex Love Program

Dr. Lori Buckley’s web site

How To Have Better Sex Tonight article.